EHHH! Being disciplined SUCKS and is rewarding at the same time. I’m really annoyed with my diet, but I’m trying to be faithful that this works. I’m tired of not losing weight. I’m no longer in the 200’s (the weight I gained from my surgery and lack of discipline), but I’m still not anywhere closer to where I want to be. I miss those days when I could eat great for a week, workout all week, and step on the scale and see the numbers changed. The numbers change, but they’re always going up or down 2+ pounds.

The thing that sucks about discipline is the fact that you have to reject invitations to eating out. I’ve been asked to go out for Mexican food twice in the past 2 weeks. I’ve had to reject both invitations because I know I can’t control myself around the chips and salsa…and what REALLY on a Mexican restaurant menu is healthy? NOTHING! So sadly, I can’t eat it because I am REALLY trying to get rid of this weight. I am SOO sick of this. I don’t think people realize the frustration it’s causing me. I wish I didn’t have to think about it constantly, but when I don’t, that’s when I gain the weight. If you look at my food and exercise journal, all the numbers seem to add up…and I SHOULD be losing weight, but the results aren’t there.

I already wrote a blog on the “you’re gaining muscle” statement that people make…which to me makes me is just a way to make you feel better for all the diet and exercise work you’re putting into your health, week by week, not going accordingly. I knew the “gaining” muscle thing wasn’t true for me because I wasn’t weight training…or not as frequently as I should be (2-3x a week). But since I’m on this new diet of  eating more protein, then I decided to start doing Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred again. This time I’m REALLY trying to stick with it and I only do it every other day, 3x a week (roughly Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). I feel like if I don’t strength train of sorts, then I’m just going to intake all this protein and gain the weight from it versus utilizing it to building up muscle. So MAYBE eventually I’m going to finally build up the muscle, that is once I get past a week of doing it.

I’m trying to stay disciplined and people keep commending me on it. Last week I turned down an invitation for Mexican food with the church; Saturday I turned down the sandwiches and chips sponsored by an event I want to and brought my own lunch and tonight, I was asked to go to dinner with the family for Mexican food, but I had to turn that down too. I honestly hate being asked and tempted with things with people KNOWING that I’m on a diet. It’s really not fair…it sucks that I have to spend every waking moment thinking about what I’m putting in my mouth while others just enjoy the brownies and cake placed in front of them. I don’t like going out and watching people eat this stuff. My reward this week for doing well was a milkshake and some pasta…which was even carefully portion-controlled. I must say that when people mention my discipline, all I do is grunt and groan because I know the amount of effort and consciousness is required for this.

I REALLY wish just working out were enough for my body, but sadly it’s not. I just enjoyed my FABULOUS (insert sarcasm here) meal of grilled chicken and broccoli and cheese. It’s become my routine dinner. I’m trying to switch it up and add some variety, but it’s hard when all I really like is chicken, turkey, and fish. I should get some turkey patty meat and I could eat that at night… *sigh* I don’t feel like going back to the grocery store to get it until my next trip, but let me put it on my list for now.

Anyway–it’s time for me to head to Bible Study. Tonight’s discussion is on FAITH..which is EXACTLY what I need with this diet plan: FAITH that it’s going to work. I REALLY do stress a lot about this because I’m not getting the results I want. I shall write you all later!

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