So, as you know, I’ve been doing the 28 Day Carb Detox, but I kind of fell off the wagon and am not even sure what day I’m on. I did finish the 2nd week with good results and ended the week weighing in at 198.8, which is a good loss. I know I was on the move to starting week 3, which was adding in fruit to my diet. Last Friday, I was under a lot of stress and ended up sabotaging my evening–I went to dinner and out of emotion ordered a chocolate molten oreo cake with ice cream. Eating it made me feel really sick though, and I told myself I was going to swear off the sweets until my free day a week, but I ended up having another sweet dessert on Saturday and again on Sunday. Sunday I had planned on getting back on track, but because of the stress, my boyfriend had surprised me with movie and dessert and I enjoyed a hefty portion of movie theater popcorn and a brownie with ice cream on top.

This week hasn’t really been the BEST week for me for my eating and exercise regime that I had developed for myself. And having a holiday mid-week didn’t really help either. I worked on Monday and was pretty tired by the time I got home at 7pm. I ended up eating dinner almost immediately and therefore, didn’t end up getting my workout in. Tuesday I spent too much time lounging around and trying to recuperate from my weekend and ended up running out of time. I had to go pick up my race packet and by the time I got back home, it was time for dinner, and again, I ended up not getting my workout in–I was enjoying spending time with my family and boyfriend watching a movie and relaxing.

Wednesday was the first time I got a workout in and that’s because: I RAN THE AJC PEACHTREE ROAD RACE!!!!! The race was A LOT of fun and I really did enjoy the atmosphere. I went in hoping I’d run the whole thing, but 3 miles into it and I started feeling a little sick. I don’t know if it was the cardiac hill, the heat, or lack of proper fueling the day before- but I just didn’t feel like I was able to get my TRUE kick back. I ran as much of the race as I could. Probably about 4-5 out of the 6 miles. It was a lot tougher than I anticipated, but the GREAT thing is: I FINISHED! I crossed the finish line and got my t-shirt! I completed the race in 1:16:29 on my watch (I accidently added an extra second when I was taking the picture), but according to AJC Peachtree Road Race OFFICIAL time results, I finished in 1:16:22, which I pretty good! I was aiming to run the race in 1:15, so one more minute isn’t so bad. That’s a minute I KNOW I can shave off in the future. I feel like if I had been able to run the whole thing, I would have finished by 1:05ish-so that will be my goal for next year! I felt pretty proud of my accomplishment, even though it didn’t go as well as I wanted. I am DEFINITELY planning on competing again next year and since I know the course now, will train better for it. I don’t do a lot of hill training, so I think I need to get more hill training in over the next year.

My finishing time, plus 1 second I added accidently when I was taking the picture.

The Congrats sign I came home to my parents made me and my Finisher’s shirt!

AND I have PROOF that I crossed the finish line! I found the footage of me crossing the finish line on 11Alive.com. In about 1:55 ALL the way on the left side of the screen, you see a tall black guy in a yellow shirt. I come in to the left of him in a blue top, black leggings, carrying a green frisbee & red, white, blue lei. I cross in front of him and you can see my clearly in the bottom left corner. I clear the video at 2:26. (I don’t know how long 11Alive will keep their videos available, but at least I have the link!)

Coming in for the finish! 0.6 miles left!

I am registered for 2 more half-marathons for this fall and want to be able to run the majority of those races. I will be getting back on my Hal Higdon Half-Marathon training probably next week so that I’m prepared for my first fall half-marathon in October.

I am REALLY enjoying running races and I am happy that I have this passion in my life. I might hate the training aspect of it, but the sense of accomplishment after the race is SOOO unbelievable! I don’t even know how to describe it! I’m enjoying starting my collection of medals!

But I definitely need to get my workout for today in…or attempt to. I am feeling rather sluggish this week, FOR SURE. My head keeps telling me “rest, rest, just REST”… and maybe it has a point? IDK, but I’m definitely going to make next week a better one and just learn to fight through the tiredness. I am working Monday and Tuesday until 5:30, so Monday will be easier to get a workout in than Tuesday since I’ll have an hour long commute home on Tuesday. So, we shall see how it goes! Monday I start my half-marathon training! Then I’ll be taking a week off from formalized exercise when I go on vacation. Will still be finding calorie burning activities–like hiking and swimming, but I don’t think I’ll be running and lifting. But, I have to make these next 2 weeks a strong one! I DO have vacation soon! But most of all–I need to get back to monitoring my diet!

And as far as the Carb Detox: I think I’m going to re-start week 3 on Sunday and get back on track with everything. I like starting things on Sunday–I like that “beginning of the week” refreshing feeling. I need to check with the G.I. Diet book and see which fruits are best and how to incorporate them into my diet properly so I’m eating them at the right time of the day and preventing glucose storage, but I will most definitely get back on track starting Sunday and try my best to stick to it until I leave for vacation and then get back on track when I come back. But I’m not going to worry! It will all workout in the end! And for now, I’m just enjoying life and my new accomplishments!! :0)

But Signing Off for now! Hope all my readers are doing well with their exercise and healthy eating! And remember: “Life does not come with a remote, YOU have to get off the couch to change it!” (Not sure who said it, but it’s a great quote!)

I am sitting here watching Supersize vs SuperSkinny on the OWN network and it reminded my to update my blog with my newest page of information in my life. As many of you know, I’m frustrated with my inability to lose the pounds off my body. I know weight is JUST a number, but I’m frustrated with weighing in the 200s still. I have spent 4 years of my life trying to get OUT of that number category, and I’d really like to be out of it. I am being realistic, in that I don’t desire to be super skinny-my goal weight is to weigh in between 185-low 190s. As I’ve said before, genetically, I know my body is going to weigh heavy. I have based my goal weight off family members and not magazines or the BMI chart even. I feel like I can get my BMI into a healthy weight category, even if my actual WEIGHT is not there, by being consistent and building up muscle mass. I have been weight training and will be starting week 3 of this program that I’ve been doing–and I will do that for 2 weeks as well, as I have been doing. I’m not sure what will happen after I finish week 4 for the 2nd time. I feel like I’ll probably go back to week 1 again–since each week is a different set of exercises, I feel like my body won’t necessarily get USED to it-or maybe I’ll incorporate Turbo Fire Sculpt/Tone video and have a 3rd day of strength training? I’m not sure, just have to see what my schedule will be like.

But to aid in blasting body fat, one thing I AM doing, is going on a 28 Day Carbohydrate Detox as recommended by Doctor Oz to aid in kicking my carb addiction. The plans calls for week 1 of no carbs, week 2 is whole wheat carbs, week 3 you add in fruit-but up to a healthy serving size, and week 4 is having all those things, including one cheat day. I WOULD say I’m addicted to carbs because I LOVE sweets and have a MAJOR sweet tooth and not only do I have a hard time resisting that, but I also struggle to resist potatoes and bread. I started it yesterday, which I KNEW was going to be a challenge because it was a work day at the hospital (12 hour shifts), where I feel hungry ALL day because I’m running around a lot, and where I am more likely to break my diet because of the sometimes bagels or donuts that might arrive thanks to the attending on service for that week or break it because of tiredness & wanting quick pick-me-up foods. Oddly enough, when I start something new, I prefer to start on Sunday (which I consider the beginning of the week). I feel like I can start the week of RIGHT and help myself to get on track. I felt if I can be successful on a longer work day, Monday thru Friday would be easy! So, Saturday night, I packed my (almost carb free) lunchbox up: boiled eggs, tuna packet, celery, almonds, baby carrots, protein shake, and my one carb: greek yogurt. I know eating the yogurt MAY slow down the carb kicking process, but I bought it before deciding to go on this diet, and I don’t want to waste the money; it definitely will expire before the 4 weeks if up. So, that is my one carb allowance for the day. To try to ensure that I’m not counteracting the whole detox, I ensure that I eat the yogurt before lunch, so that it has the time to burn off throughout the day. My day yesterday consisted of: breakfast: Jimmy Delight turkey sausage sandwich muffin (without the muffin); AM snack: 2 boiled eggs (whites only) and chobani; lunch: tuna salad (spring mix, celery, 1 boiled egg, 2 roma tomatoes), 1 serving of baby carrots, and 1 serving of almonds; PM snack ended up being a small piece of my boyfriend’s cheesecake left over from Friday night’s dinner (I wanted to taste it)–yes, I know I cheated, but I owned up to it AND logged it in my food journal on MFP; dinner: turkey burger (no bun), with tomato, pickles, cheese, and guacamole, small house salad, and teriyaki broccoli (which I didn’t end up eating because I was TOO full)… I actually almost didn’t finish my burger, but knew it wouldn’t taste the same the next day because guacamole doesn’t really do well overnight, so I finished the burger. My calories for the day came up to be around 1780, which was a cut from what I HAVE been eating for the past couple of months even–but I felt COMPLETELY satiated for the day. I DID get hunger pangs (i.e. my stomach was growling prior to breakfast and I got a hunger headache), but after lunch, which I ate around 1:30/1:45, I was satiated until closer to 7pm, and by the time I got hungry, I figured it was too late to eat anything because I knew that I would soon be eating dinner & would get full from my dinner.

I am proud of myself for being able to fight & get through my 12 hour shift without cheating. I still need to work on my PM cravings for sweets, but I feel like as long as I continue to fight this battle and resist wanting to eat the sweets at night, that I’ll be successful. I think when I get a sugar craving, I’m going to have a protein shake-which is low carb, but still has that vanilla Or chocolate kick. Today is day 2 and I’ve been doing well thus far. Trying to mimic what I did yesterday & anticipating lunch with a friend, which should also be low carb as well.

I plan on continuing to update as the days go on & keeping you all posted on my progress. I wasn’t able to take a weight and measurements in Friday or Saturday, but I know what they were prior to starting this because I logged them on MFP last week. I will take measurements probably next Monday to see what my weekly progress.

But time for me to start getting ready to meet my friend for lunch! I will update later!

*Off to Kick Carbs*

Side note: while watching this show, based in England, the narrator mentioned how the super skinny female on the show was a healthy size 12-14 prior to the birth of her child. It’s crazy to me how in other countries a size 12-14 IS healthy, but in the US it’s still a “fat” number because we have such a warped societal mindset on what a HEALTHY body is SUPPOSED to look like. Where are the days of women who looked like Marilyn Monroe–when these women we’re seen as beautiful and the “norm” and everyone aspired to look like them vs these super skinny super models? **sigh** Maybe just like fashion styles come back around, so will body image mindset?? A girl can dream!

The Stubborn Me

Last night I was having a conversation with my significant other about my die-hardedness when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle and my concerns for wanting him to have a healthy lifestyle. I discussed with my boyfriend the health fears I have, as my family history isn’t necessarily the “cleanest”–consisting of cancer, MS, diabetes, and cardiac issues. And even with the 50lbs of weight loss, my genes have left me with two things I can’t fight no matter how hard I try: I’m big-boned/stocky-framed and my BMI will probably ALWAYS remain in the overweight category for as long as I live (if calculated from height and weight), which will result in a lifelong fight against incurring any serious medical issues.

Another thing that has caused me to be on high alert is my place of employment. I work at a hospital in a Kidney and Liver transplant unit. Weekly, I interact with people who are there because of diabetes/overweight related issues. Now, I know you’re supposed to have some level of placidness when you work in the medical field, but I can’t help but have some level of empathy for some patients and sometimes I take my work home with me (meaning, I think about them and pray for their healing) and I do a lot of thinking.

If you know me personally, you know that I watch a lot of shows on obesity issues: The Biggest Loser, Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, Weight of the Nation, and shows like my 600 lb Life. I, also, have become an avid researcher on weight-related issues and am always looking for tips to improve my diet and exercise routines. I am not ashamed to admit that I have become obsessed (for good reason-in my opinion)… and have even considered working in nurition once I become a registered nurse or working in a weight-management facility.

But digressing from my main point: During this discussion with my boyfriend last night, I told him that one of the things that I regret doing was not listening to the advice that people (specifically my sister and father) suggested, which was to weight train. I am a little frustrated wtih myself in that I stubbornly brushed the advice off, and after 50lbs of weight loss, am unhappy with my body merely because of the fact that I’m not as TONED as I would like to be and probably am not at the weight I want to be because of that.

While in my weight-loss journey, I LOVED cardio and even developed a love for running, something I HATED growing up-I was a thrower on the track team in high school for that reason. The cardio aided in my weight-loss success, and for a good two years, I felt I was doing great without ever lifting a dumbbell. My strength-training consisted of a yoga class I took regularly at Gold’s Gym (around once or twice a week) and fooling around on the weight machines every now and then, but never developing a routine or a habit of it.

When I look in the mirror, I am proud of my slimmer figure, no doubt. I’m proud of the fact that I’m no longer 253lbs, but I am disappointed in the fact that I’m rather flabby for having lost so much weight, and that I don’t feel like I LOOK like the person who is able to accomplish all the things that I’m able to do… and I get a lot of side-eyes when I tell people I like to kick-box, or I can run 5 miles like it’s 1, or that I completed a half-marathon and ran 12 out of the 13 miles of it. There’s a sense of doubt in most people’s eyes… But rarely are people impressed. I KNOW I don’t have a runner’s body. I also am not bikini ready like I want to be… granted I AM wearing a bikini and decided last year I was going to AND be confident in it (realizing when I got to the beach that a lot of people weren’t really that toned either and that I actually fit in), but I always wished that I had nice toned legs and abs to show off in my swimsuit.

So after failing on my mission to be “swimsuit ready” in the way that I was defining swimsuit ready (and after months and months-leading to about a year and a half of not losing a pound), I decided that it was time for me to get on the strength-training bandwagon. I started 2012 off with doing Jillian’s 30 Day Shred, after one round of it, I felt like I was becoming slightly more toned, and attempted a second round of it with heavier weights-but became bored with doing the same routine every day. So, I moved on to something else, Turbo Fire, which is a kickboxing workout program, and while I did it for a month, there was still no weight-loss or physical changes to my body.

I became frustrated, even more so because my sister’s wedding was coming up and I wanted to look AMAZING in photos and for family and friends to see a major difference in my physique. So then I started posting my frustrations on Myfitnesspal, wishing that someone could relate. I quickly found out that I was not alone in the matter, which was comforting. Together, we researched for solutions for our lack of ability to drop even half-a-pound. My other sister came home for the wedding, so I discussed with her what I should do and I was suggested an extreme change of diet–which I tired, and couldn’t find myself sticking to with the type of busy lifestyle I had–working two jobs and after coming home from work & working out, was NOT in the mood to cook anything that required more than 10 minutes to make, let alone trying to cook meals for the whole week. I tried to keep up with it to the best of my ability. But I still didn’t feel like that was working for me. I felt a diet low in carb, high in protein and veggies was restricting and resulted in feeling guilty if I slipped off that in any shape or form. The change in diet was also frustrating because I didn’t feel like I ate that bad on a regular basis. I was eating a LOT cleaner than I have in the past and about 90% cleaner then when I started this weight loss journey. I wanted to ENJOY food, not eat the same thing OVER and OVER again. So, I spent long hours reasearching and contemplating seeing a nutritionist to discuss my diet and how to manage it with my busy lifestyle… but then the week after the wedding, my sister and her boyfriend were working out and invited me along. The workout consisted of sprints and then 40sec of an ab move (interval training). I found myself completely out of breath. I almost was on the verge of quitting-but pushed through it and finished it. I was surprised, because for someone who could run 9 miles-I felt COMPELTELY out of shape. The next day, I woke up, completely sore (something I hadn’t felt in a while) and SUDDENLY-IT CLICKED! My whole frustration and lack of ability to lose weight and tone was not so much because of my diet or work ethic, but because I wasn’t doing any strength training. The reason why I wasn’t toning was because I wasn’t pushing my body to levels of muscle fatigue…yes, I’d hurt sometimes the next day after a long run, but not in the kind of way that this workout had made me feel. So, from then on, I decided that it was time for me to make a habit out of this whole weight training thing–my body was NEVER going to tone, if I didn’t build up the muscle.

At the same time of my revelation, I was recommended Turn Up Your Fat Burn by an MFP friend. I looked at the book and noticed that in 4 weeks, I could change my body into a fat-burning machine! As I flipped through the book, I noticed that not only did it make suggestions for turning your cardio into a better fat-burning cardio, done through interval training, IT TOO suggested that I strength train twice a week, and inclucded a strength training routine for each week of the program. Adjusting my cardio to interval cardio was easy–I changed my Monday and Friday 30 minute runs to interval runs, and sometimes I will complete 30 minutes of a Turbo Fire video (I usually just pick a random DVD to change up the routine), and Wednesdays are still my long-run days (have to stay in training mode somewhat so I can continue to compete in 10K and Half-marathon races).

As far as strength training: It suggested 2 days of strength training per week, which I chose as my Tuesday/Thursday workouts-something I was attracted to and felt I could manage with my busy lifestyle. I started doing the routine for the first week, incorporating the ab workout that I did with my sister. BOY was I sore the next day! But IT FELT AMAZING! I was feeling something I hadn’t felt in a LONG time! I wanted to become comfortable with dumbbell training, so I repeated week 1 routine for two weeks, and started week 2 routine (and have successfully completed my 2 days this week). I am proud to say that I have stuck with it for 3 weeks now! :0) Week 2 also recommended adding in a high intense interval training workout to one of the strength training days. EASY for me, because I purchased Turbo Fire, so the interval training routines are already choreographed FOR me–I complete one of the HIIT videos and then proceed into my strength training routine. I will probably do the same as I did for week 1 and repeat week 2 over again and I change up the ab routine slightly with each new week as well.

This new found workout in my life has REALLY shown me A) how OUT OF SHAPE I actually really am and b) that I HONESTLY haven’t been pushing as hard as I really thought I was. I end a workout in complete exhaustion, dripping in sweat, and anxious to lay down. And while I’m DYING to quit during the workout, I keep reminding myself of the benefits that this will produce in the long run. In the 3 weeks, I have become MUCH more happier with my physique. I still have a long ways to go, but I’m noticing my biceps developing, my stomach has gotten flatter, and my back has toned up again (which prior to, was developing that back-boob again).

So, now I sit here thinking: Why was I so stubborn and resistent to this advice before?? It REALLY is one of those cases of “never learning until you experience it yourself” situations. My whole mentality has changed–and now when people ask me for weight-loss advice, I’m always suggesting it. I honestly feel a sense of regret (in myself) for not taking this advice before hand. Why didn’t I just listen? Then I’d BE bikini ready like I wanted to be by now I can see what 3 short weeks of weight training has done to my physique… I sit and imagine what kind of progress I would have made by this point had I started this sooner. And ANOTHER thing! Week 1 I started off doing most exercises using 10lbs dumbbells, but in 3 weeks, I’m now using 15s! IF I went to a gym, I wouldn’t look like a little wimpy girl using 5lbs (which is what I was using when I was doing Jillian’s 30 Day Shred).

So, my advice to anyone starting a weight loss journey of their own: don’t be stubborn like me: compliment the cardio with strength training. You’ll be better off in the long run vs what happened with me: yes, I lost the weight & got to the size that I wanted to be, but I’m not at the physique that I want to be! But I know now that with each arduous workout, I am more muscle toned then the day before & closer to my goal!

**Happy Lifting**

I’m sorry if this post offends anyone, but I was uberly disturbed by what I’m about to talk about:

A couple of days ago, I went to Dr. Oz website to look a recipe for one of the meals he was making on the show. After finding the recipe, I came across a stream of videos related to the fattest women in America. I took some time and watched the various stream of movies and was UBERLY disturbed by it. The video profiled about 8-10 women, half of which were apart of a Feederism community and content with being as overweight and the other half, anxious to get information from Doc Oz to help them to lose weight.

As I listened to these feederist women’s stories, I was disturbed by their habits–one lady’s ultimate goal weight was to be 1600lbs!!!! I was FLOORED! Who could POSSIBLY be sane enough to think that being 1600lbs is okay? She claimed that in HER mind, she was living a healthy lifestyle because some of her daily acitivies included doing a couple of sit-ups, going for walks, and some other low-impact exercise, like swimming, but then when she discussed her daily eating habits, she said that on an average she eats 4000 calories a day and has even eaten up to 20K in one day… 20K CALORIES??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? You MUST be joking! I hate to say this, but I LITERALLY gagged when they showed what one or two meals looked like.

I don’t mean this entry to be judgmental, but I’m honestly AMAZED there are people out there who WANT to be overweight–like not just overweight by a few pounds, but GROSSLY/MORBIDLY overweight (and I mean grossly in medical terms, not as in “ew”). I was watching the clips and remembered my days of being 253lbs. Everything from the beginning of my weight loss journey–like the steps leading me up to losing weight-flashed through my head: my photos from Puerto Rico in my bathing suit, my indigestion and heartburn, anxiety attacks, a joke my sister and I made a LONG time ago about being a “cow” if I were 250lbs (at the time of the joke I was around 220lbs and 250 seems SOO far away). I don’t understand how anyone would WANT to be overweight. I have lost 50 pounds and I bust my butt to keep the weight off, trying to counteract my sometimes bad habits and bad influences like family and friends. I think about ALL the work it has taken me to get to where I am today and I think about ALL the struggling I’m going through now to even lose a pound.

I really just don’t understand this mentality and I am sad to know there are people out there supporting this nasty habit by sending them gift cards to McDs and the like and paying them to over eat on camera. My own mentality has changed a lot since losing weight.

I know I’m looking at the picture through my own eyes now. I DO remember at a heavier weight how confident I was in myself and had ignored what I looked like really. So, if they are TRULY happy with the weight they are at, then more power to them, but I know for myself, that is just somewhere I never want to be and somewhere I am scared I might end up if I quit working out and watching my diet.

**Just needed to reflect**

If there was one thing most people didn’t know about me it’s this: I have the worst body image issues… And I hate my body most days. I still find myself finding clothes to cover up in, I want to go back to wearing one piece or tankini bathing suits, and while I bought shorts to wear this summer, there’s only 1 pair I feel comfortable wearing because the other pairs I feel people will look at my legs and gag at the cellulite on them. I feel like I’m still just a girl with a pretty face.

I have also learned to despise exercise and I have the hardest time sticking to my diet because I just say “nothing’s working anyway, so I might as well eat what I want vs restricting myself”. It’s day 2 of telling myself low carb, and I failed both days and am now in a miserable rut.

I have been trying various supplements for 2 months and still nothing. No change. The stupid scale still says 200+ lbs and I HATE that number. I miss even being 195 or even 198. I feel overweight every time I look in the mirror. I hate my stomach…and my thighs. I feel like my stomach looks like a woman’s post-baby…but I haven’t had a baby NOR ever been pregnant. Ehh! 200 just SOUNDS like a fat person’s number.

Exercising isn’t even fun anymore to me. I used to LOVE waking up, getting my workout in, and felt so alive, but I’ve been working out like crazy without any result, that exercising has become an obligation to NOT become the fat cow I once was and feels more like a chore.

I am SO unmotivated as well…and I don’t have anyone to workout with me… It’s just me, myself, and I-kicking along to turbo fire in the living room… or running alone. No one there to help push me farther…so when I’m tired,  I quit. Like tonight. I WAS going to do a 60 minute run… but at 20 mins I wasn’t into it & my stomach was hurting, so at 35 minutes, I just stopped. I think running would be MORE fun if I had people to run WITH. The people closest to me location-wise could care LESS about exercise. And while running races has been fun in the past…this past weekend was kind of lonely… I ran a mud run, only to finish with no one there watching me..and no one there running WITH me. The camera personnel even SKIPPED taking a photo of me because I was by myself. I had to ASK to get a photo. I had to MAKE myself have fun at the race by getting extra muddy–but I probably just looked like a pig rolling in the mud.

I always get like this where I get in this mental rut… and I’m SO disgusted with myself. I’m so discouraged. I’m not going to lie…I DO want a quick fix…I’ve spent 2 years trying to get smaller, and I don’t see any changes what-so-ever. I don’t feel smaller either. I should probably go ahead and send this turbo fire program back too and get my money back for that… After 30 days of sticking with that program, I didn’t get any results… I was the exact same size and weight.

Why doesn’t yoga and running and 30 Day Shred and Turbo Fire build up muscle? I HATE weight training and I HATE that I don’t have someone here to do it with me…maybe if someone would do it with me, I’d care more about it…but I don’t. I feel like I have THE WORST genes in history… I have a slow metabolism, I don’t burn calories the same way NORMAL people do, and I have to workout 2x harder than everyone else in order to lose weight. I feel like where most people would burn a calorie in 5 steps…it takes me 12 to burn 1 calories…and I feel like I’m not losing weight because I’m not burning 1000 calories EACH workout.

All this, on top of the lack of progression in my career, is making me stressed out. And the stress isn’t helping me either. While I could stress & not eat for days…I’d gain weight, where normal people would stay the same or lose.

I’m miserable… This weekend has me feeling FULL of regret (cause I haven’t eaten much today) and I don’t even feel like eating anything anymore.

This just feels like the year of set backs for me… am I SO wrong for wanting more for myself??? People always argue with me when I talk about how unhappy I am…they say I should just appreciate where I’m not…but why should I just settle for that? I WANT to be a smaller size…what’s so wrong with that? and I want more from myself and my life… And I want people around me who CARE about being healthy and not eating like a pig and eating 5 plates and eating out ALL the time…

>_< AGGGGHHHHHHH

Anyway–I just purchased a body wrap…while I know they aren’t long lasting, I’m going to schedule mine for right before I leave for Costa Rica… (a trip I’m too scared to buy a bathing suit for right now). I was hoping to look HOT by that time, but I don’t know if 3 months is going to make a difference in the fact that the past 4 haven’t. Or maybe they will because I’ll practically be in starvation mode–giving up all the GOOD food in life…eating basically chicken and some kind of vegetable every day.

Whoever said you can eat everything you want in moderation to lose weight, as long as you’re still working out, has obviously never stepped in my shoes…

Anyway–off to bed to be at work tomorrow… I’m so OVERIT.com!

**PS: I avoided hanging by the pool with my family purposely all weekend because I felt disgusting in my bathing suit. I gave away all my tankini’s because they were too big, so the only thing I have left are bikini’s & I didn’t want anyone to see my gut**

I haven’t written in my blog in a while, but I felt like it was time to do so. I still struggle with my weight on a daily, and I just haven’t quite gotten to the point where I’m comfortable with how I look. I started getting there, and then decided to step on the scale one day, and saw my increased weight, and knew it was time to jump back on my routine.

I haven’t been the strictest on my diet and exercise for a little over a month now. I was going strong at the beginning of summer. I hit 7 miles in my half-marathon training, but towards late July, I ended up getting a REALLY bad knee injury that took me out and I knew it was time to slow down. I decided I would start lifting instead and doing some walking-running interval training. Because my knee still couldn’t handle the stress, I ended up just taking the time off completely. I went on vacation with my boyfriend and then a week later, went to New Orleans for a sorority convention. On neither trip did I stick to my diet or even think about it. I wanted this milkshake from Cook Out my boyfriend had talked about since we started dating, and DEFINITELY had to try some NO Famous Beignets! I thought soon after my vacations, I would get back in gear, but I ended up working double days that whole first week coming back. I worked 8-4 at one job, and then 5-9pm at the other. As you can imagine, by the time I got home around 10:30 (after closing shop), I had no desire to workout. I had to get ready for bed so I could be up early the next morning for job 1. I struggled a lot through the month of August going in and out of work outs…Just working out when I could, but nothing major or nothing that really stuck. I was doing just okay with my diet, where like half of my week was healthy eating and the rest was crap. I was eating sweets every other day, like literally. I was just going through a really big sweet tooth craving where I wanted ice cream every day… The heat may have had something to do with that as well. But needless to say, I struggled all through the month of August, and slowly by the start of September, I told myself I would get back on my routine.

I didn’t master it, but I managed to get in 2-4 days each week of the month and try to start weening myself off of sweets. I had a REALLY bad week from September 9 until about the following Sunday because my family and I kept going out to dinner to celebrate birthdays in the family. With going out to dinner after work, it made it hard to find the energy to workout when I was gettitng home around 9/10pm. Being up earlier just DOESN’T give you much energy past 8pm…or at least it doesn’t for me. I’m just exhausted, mostly mentally, and I can’t seem to find the motivation to get going again. So of course, through all this time, with lack of a solid exercise and diet routine, I didn’t manage to lose any weight. I actually gained weight and hit the highest weight I’ve been in a while at 205lbs.

I DEFINITELY don’t want to see a 2 in front of my weight anymore and honestly want to get back down to 191 (my lowest). I feel like if I can get down to 191 and maintain it for a while, then in a few more months, I could attempt to try to go smaller/lose more weight. After a long discussion with my Spanish tutoring classmate, talking about weight-loss and diets, she gave me the idea to rethink things and develop some goals and incentive programs for myself that would help to keep me motivated to want to get a workout in.
_______________________________________
Picking up where I left off on this blog, things haven’t improved at all and now the year is ending and I haven’t been the best. I decided to just take the whole month of December off because of the fact that I’ve been so mentally stressed with everything. I managed to quit one job and then picked up another. I now average 6 day work weeks, with my weekend shift being two 12-hour shifts. I have finally had a break from one job and told myself I was going to workout since I had more time on my hands, but I’ve only managed to workout twice these past two weeks & get more sleep where I could. I have no motivation anymore and after a year of being unsuccessful in weight loss, I don’t even have a reason to keep going. Well, besides not wanting to get to 250lbs again.

Exercise has become more of a chore for me. I don’t enjoy it like I used to and am struggling to find a reason to do it. I used to workout for hours and it never bothered me, but now the idea of working out for an hour is just exhausting. I am trying to tell myself that 2012 will be a better year, but my pessimistic self is thinking it’ll just be the same as this year. With all the weight gain and loss, I feel like I’ve net a 3lb gain. Or more considering I started the year off at 191 and ending it at 201, but averaged 198 most of the year. I have several different exercises on my agenda for my weekly workout routine for the new year. I need to incorporate strength training, like MAJORLY this year, so I am going to, once again for the like 4th time, try Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred. I like the program, just never make myself stick to it. But I keep telling myself I’m going to this year, once and for all. Then I plan to get back on top of my half-marathon training, since I’ve signed up for the Georgia Publix Half-Marathon for March. So, running 3 days a week, & on the other 2 days do another cardio (kickboxing, yoga, or spinning) and 30 Day Shred every day. Since my schedule is freaking crazy, another goal for 2012 is to wake up early and get my workout in first thing. So I’ll be waking up at 5:45am Mon-Fri, even on days I’m not working, just to keep with the routine (I can always go back to sleep after the workout), and 4:45/5am on Saturday and Sunday. I purposely scheduled my workouts for those days to JUST be 30 Day Shred, which is only 30 minutes, since those are my 12-hour shift days. The beauty of all this is that I won’t have to spend the whole day trying to find the energy to workout after work.

My other plan is to start a Biggest Loser program with my boyfriend and small group members. My small group members have chosen this year to start their weight loss journeys & having been there before, I know how hard it can be, so I am trying to help support them. And since I’ve kinda slowed in my own program, this will give me the support I need to get back on my journey. I know people have looked at me from support, motivation, and inspiration, even my boyfriend said I had inspired him, but I feel like I haven’t been the best role model this last half of the year. Or maybe people have looked past that and understand the struggle with dealing with the temptations? It has been tough, and while I just spent the past hour in a mood while on the phone with my boyfriend upset with my weight and how I look, I know I need to hop back in the bandwagon (my own bandwagon, that is) and finish this journey for once and for all…for me, for my own mental sanity!

I always come up with a plan, and have been since September. I think for once it’s time I execute this, whether I feel like doing it or not. January 1st is on Sunday, meaning I must be up early to get my workout in. It’s only a 30 minute workout. That IS a day I wish I could sleep in with my boyfriend, since he doesn’t have to be at work until later that afternoon, but I will get up and do the workout. I have to be at work at 7am anyway. I MUST or my other option will be to do it when I get home at 8:30. I am not a morning person, but after a few weeks of forcing myself to get up early and getting my workout in, it should become easier and hopefully get to a point where not waking up early just feels unproductive…I hate feeling unproductive. This first week of the new year IS going to be tough. I have to be up early 4 out of the first 7 days already for obviously scheduled things, but if I mentally prepare myself, I should accomplish this goal.

I CAN do this…I just have to tell myself I can. But anyway, I am oddly getting hungry. I am going to go grab some food. I will work on updating my blog mo regularly…maybe every Friday I’ll do a weekly update of how things are going…Sounds like a good idea!

Until Friday Jan. 6th, So long!

This entry I’m sure will be relatable to all my female readers on a weight loss journey, and maybe will clarify some things up for men who may not get it!

I’m here to discuss periods… Yea, that “time of the month” thing where our hormones go haywire for a week or two. I’m not going to go into detail about what a period is, no need to do that, but I’m here to talk about the struggles with weight loss and being a woman.

I have a female friend that I check in with regularly. We hold each other accountable and confess when we’ve eaten bad or skipped the gym. She, too, is on the last home stretch to her weight loss journey, trying to get to her goal weight. We were discussing the other day how when it comes to our time of the month, we just feel like we wanna eat everything in sight. We don’t! But we give in to some of our smaller temptations, like a piece of chocolate here or there, or like yesterday, I just wanted a burger and fries after not having had one in a while. We’re almost always on top of our diets and exercise regimen, so we don’t feel AS guilty for giving in, but the guilt still hits.

It’s like you workout SOOO hard over a month and then sabotage everything you’ve done in a week. I was having this discussion with my boyfriend the other night and he “just didn’t get it”. He felt there is no reason to HAVE to give into temptations, which is understandable because men tend to have more stable hormones then we women do, but I feel like as a woman, our hormones SCREAM at us telling to go get the food before something major happens-like cramps or a headache.

I truly believe being a woman makes weight-loss THAT much harder. We already have a genetic disposition/natural tendency to carry more weight then men once we hit child-bearing age. This along with our hormones going haywire, also make weight-loss harder. I was explaining to my boyfriend how almost every week our hormone levels are at a different level because we’re either ovulating or mentruating or something or other…I could go into all the different levels of hormones being released at different points throughout the month…but I’ll save that for the doctors.

But I watch shows like The Biggest Loser, I Used To Be Fat and Heavy, and I always notice that the woman workout JUST as hard, sometimes harder, then the men, and they CONSISTENTLY have a low weight loss, maybe like 4 pounds, when men will lose like 8 pounds in the same amount of time.

Being a woman and being on this weight-loss journey, I am annoyed with my genes sometimes because it takes SO much effort for us women to lose weight. We struggle to resist cravings and to get our child-bearing fat off our hips.  I’ve been on this home-stretch for a little over a year now. I feel like I am ALWAYS on a diet and the weight just doesn’t seem to go anywhere.  I am running 4 miles now, going on 3 times a week, and on the other two days doing cardio. I haven’t gotten much into the strength training thing still…I just don’t have the motivation to do it so much. I REALLY wish I had a partner. I try to incorporate my 3lb hand weights whenever I can, like when I do my Biggest Loser workouts or I take Kick at Gold’s Gym. I REALLY miss yoga and wish I could get back into the swing of things, but with my hand still not fully recovered and me getting surgery on it in about 7 weeks, I’m holding off trying to cause anymore damage to it.

I just wonder what kind of things we woman can do to stabilize our hormones, our cravings, and aid in us losing this weight. I know my friend and I can’t be the only women in the world who feel this way!

If you too struggle with this, I’d love to hear your feedback so I could blog about it!

So, my boyfriend and I are starting new strict diets. He’s just starting his weight-loss journey, and I, as you know, have been doing this for a good minute now. I’m about to mark my 3rd year anniversary on this weight-loss thing and I’m STILL annoyed I’m not down to the goal weight I want to be at. “They” DEFINITELY weren’t lying when they say the last 10-15 pounds are the hardest to lose.

And what makes it even harder is I weighed in tonight at a whoping 198! Which is like a 7 pound increase! I wish I could get down to 191 and STAY there for a while, that would be great… But SINCE I gained all this weight back, I’m trying something new: I’m going to improve the amount of fruits and veggies I eat a day (trying to have one, if not both, to each meal), stick to my calorie intake goal, workout 4-5 times a week, and NO MORE DESSERTS/SWEETS (the ULTIMATE test, because I’m ADDICTED to sugar). I’ve been monitoring my intake, but last week, I DID go a little crazy, for good reasons, but I need to find some alternatives for that, like that pear dessert thing they made last week on The Biggest Loser. That looked SOOO good…yum!

But the purpose of this entry was to talk about the good and bad about dieting with a boyfriend.

THE BAD:

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we were in two different places in life (health-wise). He would eat whatever he wanted, and I was Calorie Counting Crazy. I was very meticulous about every piece of bite I put into my mouth. Of course, as the dates continued and our hunger would become later and later in the evening, I found myself enjoying a shake and those lovely potatoes from Belgium (fries). I would scarf down a burger here and there as well. I noticed my diet was changing a little bit. I was still working out and getting my exercise, so it wasn’t affecting me TOO bad, but I was definitely finding myself eating more like him. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but for a former-fatty like me, I was over-eating and not tracking calories. I slipped on my diet often, and hence why I would get to weeks like last week, and have something sweet and dessert like PRACTICALLY every day. It was madness!

But time has changed, and now he’s working on losing weight. I’ve noticed over the past month or so, that he’s starting to follow in my footsteps. I remember going to get breakfast and he ordered breakfast based off my “calorie conscious” advice and this week when we went out, that he was actually following in my foot-steps versus the other way around like it had been in the past. We both got Baked Cheetos to snack on and he drank Coke Zero. Over the weekend we discussed doing a diet together. His idea was a little more stricter than my idea, so we had to compromise. We decided that we’d go for 3 weeks to see how we’d do. If we did well, we’d celebrate on Valentine’s Day.

So, THE GOOD:

Since we’re both dieting and trying to lose some weight, it’s helping us to not only become more supportive of one another, but helping us bond more (and is another conversation starter). This is going to be a bonding moment because, as we always do, we’ll check in on each other every day and see how the other is progressing along. We’ll be able to advise one another. He’s already found some new recipes and restaurants for us to try, which will be cool and that’ll help us to get a jump start on healthy cooking for when we’re at that time in our lives of moving into our own place. And the new restaurants will give us a different adventure as we can try new things together. I’m excited about this journey together. I’m excited about the healthy lifestyle we’re developing as a couple, which will ensure longevity in our weight loss. If we’re both eating healthy and working out, then we won’t sabotage one another.

Another beautiful thing about this is we can hold each other accountable; like this afternoon, when I got home from work, I was COMPLETELY exhausted. I even took a small hour nap (which I can NEVER do). I woke up around 6:30, like I wanted to, but not in the mood to sweat WHAT-SO-EVER, and forced myself to get up and hit the gym. The thing that got me going: KNOWING that my boyfriend was going and I didn’t want to be the “odd-man out”. It’s also Day 1 of our new program, and I couldn’t cheat on it already! I feel better about myself when I can tell him that I worked out today –that we BOTH worked out together. I’m hoping the increase in activity will inspire us to change up our dates (when the weather gets warmer) to some outdoorsy activities, like walking and picnicking, or bike riding or something of the sort. This, too, will help bring us closer together because we might be able to find something in common that we both enjoy doing and can do often.

But all-in-all, if we stick to it, support one another, and hold each other accountable, we’ll not only be successful at our weight-loss, but it’ll help bring us closer together as a couple as we’ll be able to find more fun things to do that help support our goals. And anything that brings us closer together as a couple, I’m ALWAYS down for!

But, off to bed! I gotta get my rest!

So…I had a whole entry typed, but the wordpress app for iPhone SUCKS! It shut down randomly and didn’t auto-save. So, I’m pretty annoyed right now because don’t really remember completely what I typed. I had it set to auto-save, but for some reason it didnt. What happened to my local draft? I should at least have 1/2 of the entry since I had been typing it for almost an hour! The app just keeps crashing on me. But I’m going to have to write about this tomorrow because now I’m not even in the mood to deal with this. And REWRITE everything I just had written. Maybe if the mood suits me later on tonight, I’ll write it, or tomorrow during my planning period. Until then, I’m out.

 

I had to come up with a catchy title!

But I am a little curious…

So, I’ve been substitute teaching for the past 3 weeks–I’m a long term sub teaching a computer class. It’s going pretty well; I’ve had a few bumps in the road, but nothing to run me away. I’m DEFINITELY not the kind of teacher that just sits down and teaches from a desk. I’m walking from the front to the back of that class room for MOST of the day. I finally am able to sit down for my lunch break, but I’m CONSTANTLY up–to teaching, straight to hall duty, and back to teaching…and I don’t have the smallest of classroom, but oddly enough, this week, I’ve somehow managed to gain 6 pounds! SIX WHOLE POUNDS! I weighed in this week at 197/198…ALL last week and through winter break, I was able to get down to 191. But this first week back to classes, Ive somehow managed to gain 6 pounds! Now, I know today wasn’t a perfect day, but I would say the rest of this week, I’ve been doing pretty descent. I have been eating under my calorie goal, I’ve worked out twice this week so far, both very HIGH calorie burning workouts. Last night alone, I burned 935 calories.

I don’t get where this weight gain is coming from! It’s rather frustrating and I’m trying not to get too stressed over it, hence why I’m blogging about it now.

Okay…so my REAL question is…Am I going to have to spend the rest of my life ADDICTED to the gym like I was when I started in order to lose more weight–meaning, working out 5 times a week, being STRICT on my diet and never REALLY enjoy the food that I eat? Because obviously the way I’ve been eating THIS week, which has been eating to ENJOY food, is not going to work.

So, I wonder if it was my teaching that’s been causing me to gain the weight: not so much the act of teaching, because like I said, I stand and walk my classroom when I lecture, so it CAN’T be that. And I would 1 day for every 3 weeks I’ll eat school lunch because I’m just too tired to make my own in the morning, so I’m usually bringing my lunch. The only difference I guess between this week and the past is I’ve brought a lean microwavable meal twice this week as opposed to my usual turkey sandwich with chips/pretzels, yogurt, and some kind of sweet cookie snack (like a 100 cal pack or teddy grahams). I drink water ALL day and now that I have those liter sized Smart Water bottles, I’ve been drinking about two of those a day. So, I’m not quite sure where THIS amount of weight gain is coming from.

I wonder if it’s because I’ve changed up my diet a little this week and started eating the microwave meals. I know they have a lot of salt in them, so I’ve been trying to counteract it by drinking lots of water and working, but maybe that’s just causing a negative reaction and I’m actually storing all the water I’m drinking. I don’t really know what’s going on with me.

I’ve been trying to counteract my stress from work by oddly listening to Christian R&B and Rock music. I haven’t listened to Christian music in a while, but it’s been helping me stay calm and mellow. When I feel the stress coming or the tiredness coming, I turn on my Praise station and it relaxes me. I say it’s odd because I’ve never really been much of a Christian music person, but I keep going!

But I think I’ve come to a conclusion: my weight gain is from teaching, but not so much the actual teaching, but the hours! I’m staying up late and not getting enough sleep and so I’m not able to recover. I come home tired and therefore am only working out 2-3 times a week. Because of the tiredness, I’m less likely to hit the gym and I feel like that’s why I’m gaining weight! It’s interesting how important proper rest is for proper body function!

So, on to fighting the teaching blues!